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Vikings’ NFC North Rivals: Teams have finalized their rosters Minnesota Vikings Womens T-Shirt , and players can finally breathe a sigh of relief - they’re either playing football or looking for a new job.The NFC North was a whirlwind of activity this past week - and almost none of it had to do with action on the field of play.The intrigue happened mostly in the front offices.Aaron Rodgers signed a monstrosity of a backloaded deal that will keep him in Green Bay for at least a few years.And the Bears weren’t about to be outdone, getting a deal done with the Oakland Raiders for former Defensive Player of the Year Khalil Mack.The Detroit Lions, meanwhile, signed versatile safety Quandre Diggs (No Relation) to a ho-hum three year, 20.4 million dollar contract.I say ho-hum not because it’s an insignificant amount, but because all of a sudden, twenty million dollars just seems fairly pedestrian these days.Why, oh why, couldn’t I have been born athletic instead of good-looking, charming and talented?Chicago BearsSkipping over the Khalil Mack deal momentarily, the Bears roster moves went off largely as predicted.No real unexpected names, and really no “let’s jump at the chance to sign this guy” moments, either.As far as the depth chart is concerned, the only real surprise that I see is the fact that rookie James Daniels is listed as the sole backup at all three interior O-Line positions, and the Bears kept only seven O-Linemen.For a team with so much invested in their QBOTF, Mitchell Trubisky, that just seems like a pretty big risk.On the defensive side of the ball, the addition of Mack really does add quite a bit of punch.Vic Fangio is no dummy, and now he has players that fit his needs all over the field.I’d give the Bears a very solid second place in the NFCN as far as defenses go, behind only the Vikings.Now, on to the Mack signing.The Bears gave up first round picks in 2019 and 2020 in order to get Mack, then had to turn around and sign him to a six year, $141 million contract, with $90 million of that guaranteed.This season, however, will be played under his fifth year option, paying him “only” $13.8 million (see, there’s that whole ho-hum feeling again!).What folks in Chicago don’t seem to want to talk about is the fact that, according to the folks at Over The Cap, there’s a strong possibility that Mack never sees the end of this contract.The last three years’ dead money goes from 6.8 million, to zero, to zero again.And Mack, who will be 33 years old at the end of the deal, will have a cap hit of 24, 22, and 23 million dollars those last three years.The deal seems to be making Bears fans happy, and I certainly get it.But for a team that seems to be a couple years away from contending, it seems like they’re going all in right now.The Bears open their season on Sunday Night Football in Green Bay.Not-afraid-to-make-a-prediction Prediction: Green Bay wins the game, Ridgers throws three TD passes Minnesota Vikings Hats , and the universe goes bananas because Rodgers is “back”.Detroit LionsThe Lions - who can already boast a pretty impressive starting offensive line of Taylor Decker, TJ Lang, Graham Glasgow, Frank Ragnow, and Ricky Wagner - ended up keeping 10 (ten!) offensive linemen, including Joe Dahl (who I mentioned in last week’s recap).Considering the Bears, Vikings, and Packers all have needs along the offensive line in one form or another, that almost seems like a defensive move.Lions Twitter got all riled up about Khalil Mack, as well.Local Radio host Dan Leach dug deep into his sources to try and break a story that Khalil Mack was heading to Detroit.Leach was definitely out to lunch on this one, but may have earned himself fourteen and a half years worth of free sandwiches, so there may be some consolation for him.The Lions open their season in a Monday Night must-see TV matchup, hosting the New York Jets.Not-afraid-to-make-a-prediction Prediction:The Lions win this one handily, as the Jets turn the ball over several times, and the New York media begins calling for Sam Darnold’s head on a platter.Green Bay PackersOK, I know he didn’t actually wear that outfit to the signing.But, seriously.Ughh... he’s just... such a...Oh, by the way, the Packers signed Aaron Rodgers to a new, 134 million dollar deal, with $78 Million of that guaranteed.It’s a pretty team-friendly deal, too - assuming Rodgers can be healthy and productive until he’s 40 years old.And he will, because鈥?Packers. The Packers will be on the hook for a total of $103 million in Cap space or, perhaps, $68 million in dead money in the years Rodgers turns 37, 38, and 39 years old.I guess that’s a plus for the rest of the division.On cutdown day, the team released - with an injury settlement - veteran defensive back - and fan NOTfavorite - Quinten Rollins.Rollins had slowly fallen out of favor with Packer fans since being drafted in the second round in 2015.The only player from the 2015 Packers draft class who will be on the roster to start the season is wide receiver-turned-running back Ty Montgomery, who is listed second behind starter Jamaal Williams, who is starting in place of the suspended Aaron Jones.Another player during camp that moved the needle for Packer fans - but this time in a good way - was Wide Receiver Jake Kumerow.Kumerow, dubbed ‘The Great Whitewater Hope’ has bounced around the league for a couple of years, landing on Cincinnati’s, New England’s, and Green Bay’s practice squads.In fact, there’s a pretty incredible story about him, which can be found here, that I truly encourage you to check out (no sarcasm font neccesary.It really is a good read).Yes, UW-Whitewater is in Packerland, so that kind of makes Kumerow a “local” to Packers fans Minnesota Vikings Womens Hoodie , but his story is much more than that..Unfortunately, Kumerow was placed on IR-Designated to Return, which means there’s no hope (Whitewater, or otherwise) of seeing him until week 8 at the earliest.As stated above, the Packers open their season at Lambeau on Sunday night versus the Chicago Bears.Not-afraid-to-make-a-prediction Prediction:The Pack will win (see above).Kirk Cousins is not who you think he is A few days after Kirk Cousins signed his precedent-setting contract with the Minnesota Vikings, I received a phone call from a number I didn’t recognize.Like any normal person, I didn’t answer it. Because duh who doesn’t screen their phone calls these days, amirite? Yet, the same number called again just a few minutes later, and this time they left a voicemail. When I hit ‘play’, a nervous, almost scared voice was at the other end.“I’m risking a lot by leaving this voicemail, but your new QB isn’t who you think he is. If you want to know more, meet me at the Historic Adventist Village in Battle Creek, MI, next Wednesday. 3 PM sharp. I’ll find you. Quit screening your calls, and DELETE THIS MESSAGE!”Click.I returned the call, and the number had already been disconnected. But there was something about that voice, the desperation in it, maybe, that intrigued me. I mean, who DOESN’T want to go to the museum about the Seventh Day Adventist Church in Battle Creek MI, just for giggles if nothing else? So, I headed out. My life was about to change forever, and things I felt certain about I now question. But before I can tell that story, I must tell you this one first. Who could think everything you’ve ever come to question would begin in a place like Battle Creek, MI?As I’m walking through the Adventist Center, looking at the painting of that dude that looks like a bald Col. Sanders, I was thinking ‘man I hope this town has a Kentucky Fried Chicken because I’m hungry af right now’, someone came up to me from behind.“Keep walking, and whatever you do, don’t swear”, said the voice.“Why Not?”“Because it’s a museum about the Seventh Day Adventists, you idiot.”The word ‘idiot’ drew half a dozen cross looks from the staff that made this Missouri Synod Lutheran proud and I smiled just a little bit, although all the subterfuge and cloak and dagger stuff was making me a bit uneasy. But I complied and my contact led me outside, and once there we walked about a block with no words being spoken.Holy crap I really wanted some KFC right about now. I kinda had to pee, too. I have to pee when I get nervous.“Okay”, he said. “Turn around. We’re safe here.”I turned to meet my contact. An unremarkable person, in an unremarkable town Womens Customized Minnesota Vikings Jerseys , in an unremarkable state. But what a remarkable story he was about to tell me. We introduced ourselves, and I promised this person that I wouldn’t reveal their identity. Your secret is safe with me, Frank. I’ll take it to the grave.“Look’” he began, “I know you guys are pretty happy with Kirk Cousins, your new quarterback. But let me tell you, he’s not the guy he’s made himself out to be. Not even close.”“What do you mean?” I asked. “He’s more ‘aw shucks’’ than Joe Mauer. This is a big nothing burger, which is probably what Cousins puts on his. Because God Forbid he do anything wild and crazy like put ketchup on a burger”, I said more than a bit sarcastically.I turned away to head back to my car because MAN I WANT SOME ORIGINAL RECIPE IN MAH BELLY RIGHT NOW, and my source, who I’ll call Sparty Throat, yelled “but I have proof!”I stopped, and turned to meet his gaze.“Proof, you say? Let me see.”“Plain hamburgers, huh? Take a look at this.”Sparty Throat opened the man purse European Shoulder Bag he was carrying, pulled out a picture, and handed it to me. At first glance, it was Cousins eating a burger. But...there was more. I couldn’t believe my eyes. “That’s not a plain burger”, I said. “That looks...loaded. Dragged through the garden loaded. Tomato, onion, lettuce, and a ketchup and mustard bottle, too. Damn, man. That’s pretty nuts. It’s a lot of things, but ‘plain’ is the last word I would use.”Then I noticed...it.“Mother of God...”, as my voice tailed off.“A fried egg? Yes it is. And cheese.” Sparty Throat was smiling now as he saw the look of revelation come across my face. “And I have more pictures like this. Lots more.”All of a sudden his desire to meet at a Seventh Day Adventist museum was clear—he was sending a message. And he was doing so in kind of a smart ass, ironic sort of way, which I can fully appreciate.“Okay, you have my attention. Let’s see where this takes us.”“You don’t know the half of it. This squeaky clean, boring guy image he protrays? No. Not even close. Kirk is nothing like that when the cameras aren’t rolling. Are you sure you want to keep going?”“Yeah, let’s do this.”He brought out another picture.“Take a look at this one”, as he thrust his smelly Michigan paw towards me.I looked, and didn’t really see anything.“I don’t see the big deal with this one,” I half muttered. “It’s just a picture of Cousins eating a bowl of plain oatmeal, probably made right here in Battle Creek.”“Look closer,” Sparty Throat said, almost mockingly. “Next to the bowl. And then look closely at the oatmeal box.”I blinked, then stared. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I closed my eyes, rubbed them with my thumb and forefinger. Sighed, then opened them. Looked again. Harder this time. What was I missing?Then I saw it. Are you sure? Yes www.vikingscheapshops.com , I was sure...it was unmistakable.“Sugar. He put sugar on his oatmeal. And it looks like the oatmeal is a made in China knock off brand.”“Yes!” Sparty Throat exclaimed. “Do you see now? He’s a fraud! His whole image is a fraud, a persona.”He quickly spun his head around, like he was looking for something, someone.“What’s the matter? Are you waiting to meet someone else, get us in to a bidding war? Because let me tell you something, I’m a blogger. I don’t make shit. I mean, I write shit, create shit—terrible, awful shit (Ed note: AHEM), but I can’t pay you the kind of money you’re probably going to be asking for.”“No. No no no, it’s not that. Kirk has spies everywhere. If he knew we were talking, my life would be over.”“Wait, Kirk Cousins would have you killed?”“No. But he would sabotage my life in ways that I can’t begin to describe.”“Try me.”“Well, at the next church social, we have to all bring a tater tot casserole (ED. note: It’s casserole, not hot dish, you Jacobins) of some kind. It wouldn’t be above Kirk to swap out my award winning sausage and cheese casserole with a tuna noodle casserole...with no potatoes or tater tots in it at all. Just noodles.”“Jesus Christ. Tuna noodle casserole? That’s heinous. With peas, too?”“Two cans instead of one.”“What kind of monster is this guy?” I asked as I let out a long, low whistle.“There’s a good chance he wouldn’t have even cooked the tuna all the way through, and would have pulled the noodles out of the water a few minutes early, so they’re still just a little bit crunchy.”“My God, you’d be ruined.”“Yeah. I could never show my face in that church again, and I’d probably have to move, too.”Sparty Throat got quiet, pensive. A look of sadness came across his face, and I felt sympathy for the man, and the situation he was in.“That’s Kirk, though. He’s got a personality, and a sense of humor. Look, go to Ypsilanti. There’s a Midas shop there, ask for Bob. He’s worked on Kirk’s conversion van for years. He’ll tell you a story or two about Kirk. And you do with that information what you will. I have to go. His spies are everywhere.”And with that, he was off.And I was off to Ypsilanti, because I had to get the truth,* the whole truth,** and nothing but the truth.****If you guys haven’t figured out this is a parody, don’t take an IQ test. You’ll be disappointed.**Seriously, completely made up.***Tuna casserole is the worst casserole though, that’s 100% true.